she liked Imaginary Men best of all

Who will sink your Battleship?


So here’s an idea for a movie I don’t want to see, nor probably any other woman I know: A live action version of the game of Battleship. Remember Battleship? You each have that little laptop-looking-game “board” and you issue coordinates to try and sink your opponent’s battleship. Yeah I had it when I was a kid, yeah I liked playing it. Would I want to see it as a movie? Um, no.

Wait, what’s that you say? You’ve cast who in the movie?

Taylor Kitsch you say? a.k.a. The Man, The Myth, The Tim Riggins of the beloved and perfect Friday Night Lights? Hmm…well yes, that does change things a bit.

I’m sorry, what? Alexander Skarsgard will be playing Taylor’s brother? a.k.a The Vampire, The Viking, The Eric Northman of the beloved Vampire Porn True Blood?

Way to rope in the female demographic movie studio!!! Well played indeed.

Author: Amy H. Johnson

Amy H. Johnson is the author of The Fangirl Files a memoir about Boy Bands, TV Boyfriends and imaginary betrothals to 80s English pop stars. She prefers to be referred to as a "Cute Famous Boy Aficionado".

21 thoughts on “Who will sink your Battleship?

  1. Seriously, when I read the title of this post I instantly thought of Sue Sylvester and how that random guy she fell for in season one of Glee “sunk her battleship hard”! πŸ™‚

    I feel sorry for the women on the cast and crew of the movie who have to try to be professional around all the pretty. Still can’t believe that the hotness that is Taylor Kitsch was off my radar for so long… must’ve been blinded by Salvatores!

    • Cherie – run don’t walk to the store and get you some “Friday Night Lights”!! You won’t be disappointed! (unless phenomenal writing and acting and gorgeousness aren’t your thing ;-P)

      • Ha! Already have! I have the self-control of a gnat when it comes to cute but jerky TV Boyfriends, particularly one that comes recommended by either you or Julie πŸ™‚

        Plus, I did a quick search, and the show seems like a Veronica Mars – excellent but doesn’t get the ratings it deserves. Were you a Logan and LoVe fan back in the day? I was so much so that my Facebook profile is one of his quotes: “Can I have a word?” ‘Anthropomorphic. All your’s, big guy’ πŸ™‚

      • Exactly. It was only this year that the TV awards (Emmy’s) even showed them any love. And that is bc an internet campaign was started to get one of the guys a nomination. He didn’t get it, but Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton (only the greatest fake married people EVER!!!) did. MUCH deserved and LONG overdue!!

        It had trouble finding an audience bc 1. Adults thought it was a teen show 2. Teens thought it was an adult show 3. Too many people sniffed “I don’t like football” which – hey I hate football – but the games are plot devices, and after the first season they didn’t have as many anyway!

        I will warn you – in S2 clearly the network started f’ing around and the show temporarily took a bizarre turn into “WTF??” Territory. But it still had beautiful moments and S3, and S4 that just aired here are sublime. IMO S1 stands alone as a Perfect Season of Television. If it had been canceled after that it would have stood as one season of perfection.

        Can you tell how in love w/ this show I am? πŸ˜‰ I am really excited that my fan-girling got you interested enough to buy it! Can’t wait to hear what you think. (lemme know if you want my email bc you have burning Tim Riggins questions you must have answered! Oh, or I can find you on FB too I suppose)

        I have not seen “Veronica Mars” although it has long been on my To Watch List.

      • Gasp! You haven’t seen Veronica Mars?! How could Miss Julie allow this travesty to go unrectified for so long?? Let’s put it this way – your blog thrives on snark and wit, which is pretty much the Veronica character in a nutshell. Plus, the show introduces the phrase “Obligatory Psychotic Jackass” in its pilot, which may be the best way to describe the TV guys we like best EVER. I’d recommend season one and two only, with season one being a perfect TV season. It’s funny, one of my closest friends and I originally bonded over the fact that I have a VM quote on my Facebook page. She was a friend of a “Friend” and posted on my page after seeing my quote, and the rest is history!

        Your fangirliness has inspired my VM friend and I to have a “Get Your Riggins Onathon” this weekend (long weekend for us! Yippee!). She was pretty much sold after I forwarded her a link to the clip Julie gave. I couldn’t wait completely for the weekend though and have watched the first couple of episodes, and sobbed like a baby when the whole Jason Street accident happened. I notice you mentioned one Lyla Garrity being Riggins’ OTP, yet at this point in time she is Jason’s seemingly 100% loyal girlfriend… my guess is that the show will move soon into total angst central… just the way I like it!

        Plus, I can definitely see why you describe Riggins as the myth – he has a definite hard partier yet emotional lone wolf mystique that good girls just love to crack! And definitely, definitely send me your email – I can’t wait to share some FNL thoughts with someone who is a huge fan and can tease me with what’s to come, including the craziness of season two πŸ™‚

      • OMG Cherie you are AWESOME!!!

        A “Get Your Riggins On-a-thon”?!?!? BRILLIANT! I am SOOOOOO blogging about this!!

        Yes the Jason/Lyla/Tim thing takes all sorts of turns. I am so excited you are already sucked in though. They are showing the whole series here weeknights at 6PM (which I am NEVER home in time for) but when I do catch even 15 minutes of it – I am crying and cheering and hollering “clear eyes, full hearts, CAN’T LOSE!!” And even though I KNOW what happens to the characters, I’m still invested in them. That’s how damn awesome this show is.

        I’ll email you so we can gush to our heart’s content ;->>

        Oh and when I told my mom (a TOTAL RigginsRallyGirl – I even got her his jersey and had a Tim Riggins PILLOW made for her!) about your weekend plans she said to tell you to check out! Happy Drooling!

      • Get your Riggins on-athon update #1

        All participants are contemplating forking out the $50 it costs in Oz to change their name to Lyla Garrity, so they increase their chances of hearing a sexy Southern drawl call them by “Garrity” in a total panty-dropping tone! πŸ™‚

      • Cherie you are AWESOME!!!!

        Please keep the Get-Your-Riggins-On-a-Thon updates coming! I need them for the blog I am going to write to showcase how F’ING COOL AND HILARIOUS YOU ARE!!!

        I am also thrilled that you are loving the show! I’d hate after all my gushing if you thought “eh, it’s alright” πŸ˜‰

      • Aww, this show has melted my icy, icy heart more than a few times already, which believe me is saying something! My friends could hardly believe it when I needed Kleenex (not having seen my Jason Street accident-induced outburst when I saw the first few eps alone for the first time)

        Get your Riggins on-athon update #2
        Actual conversation upon the visually arresting sight of Riggins in shorts:
        “Could his shorts get any lower???” Friend One
        “My only question is, why aren’t they??” Friend Two
        “That, my friends, is what we call an Adonis belt!” Me
        “Eh, knew I should have paid more attention to Greek mythology when we studied it in history back in high school.” Friend Two

      • Isn’t it a heartbreaker?? You just invest in the characters so much – it is hard not to get emotional for them!

        Just how big is this viewing party? I wish I could be there! I think you are making Dillon proud ;-)) I know I am!

      • Well, it started off with one extra friend and grew to six!

        Most people were indoors this weekend because we had our Aussie rules football grand final on. I ran into a group of girlfriends who asked what my GF plans were, and I said that I planned to cheer on the Dillon Panthers instead!

        When they asked who they hell they are, I said “Just check them out on the internet, and you’ll understand” Duly intrigued (since I’ve never really exhibited that much interest in watching sport before, aside from tennis – go figure!), a whole bunch of them Googled, Binged and Yahooed the team and I received a flurry of texts of new FNL converts! Most cited Tim Riggs as the reason, with a small proportion digging Matt Saracen.

        I’m famous, or maybe infamous, for my fangirl tendencies and exciteableness during TV marathons, so it grew to the point where (I am not kidding you!) we made pom poms, dressed in Dillon panthers colours, put war paint on our faces and later walked the streets with people who had watched the AFL footy final probably wondering why in the world we were the only people decked out in colours that were NOT of either of the teams that had played in the GF that day!! We have also been having a massive slumber party at my place, as we do whenever we have gone to see a concert together or just want to have giggly fun. You, Julie and her VictiMom (and her Riggins jersey!) are here in spirit πŸ™‚

        Get your Riggins on-athon update #3
        Participants who play a sport or have a jersey through other means (e.g. being part of a student college during university that gave residents their very own college sport memorabilia top) now have no first name and are instead called by that number alone. Sadly, none have the coveted Riggins number.

        Amazingly, we have just made it through to season two (a couple days of watching plus occasionally coming up for air :)), so…

        Get your Riggins on-athon update #4
        Regardless of our religion, we have added a new central tent: “What would Riggins do?” πŸ™‚

      • Cherie you have gone above and beyond ANY TV-View-a-Thon EVER!! (and I’ve had plenty in my day!!!) What a fabulous group of friends you have and it sounds like you are all having the most marvelous time. I’m so excited that all this fangirling and merriment is over The Man The Myth The Riggins and the awesomeness that is FNL!!!

        Do any of you have a 44 jersey? Bc this season Tim was helping Coach on the field and was calling the kid who wore the 44 jersey “fours”!

        Can’t wait for the next update – I keep reading them to my mom and we are cracking up!

      • God bless long weekends, is all I can say!!!

      • Whoops! And that was meant to be “central tenet”!!

      • Haha, can’t believe the Freudian slip caused by Riggs-induced sleep deprivation. I meant to say *YOUR Victimom! Although it wouldn’t surprise me if Julie has one too πŸ™‚ None of us have a 44 jersey, but that would’ve been awesome!

        Glad you guys are enjoying the updates! My friend Jess came up with the next one – plus she said to say she loves your blog!

        Get your Riggins on-athon update #5
        “I feel closer to God when I’m with you” is the most awesome pick up line EVER, but only when it comes accompanied with the brood and smoulder of an individual with the initials TR.

      • Get your Riggins on-athon update #6

        Oh hai there, Rory’s boyfriend Logan! You aren’t seriously thinking you can be a true rival for the man, the myth Tim Riggins in the battle for Lyla’s affections, are you? Points for getting Tim Riggins to start up his own radio show just to annoy the hell out of you and adding his dulcet tones to the airwaves πŸ™‚

      • The best part about that storyline was when Tim started going to church with Lyla. He’s being all charming to the old church ladies and says something like “good morning Miss MacGowan” to one of them which is MY MOM’S LAST NAME!!! We must have squealed for a week over that!!!

        Who’d rather go to church than do Bad Things with Tim Riggins?!?! Stupid Lyla Garrity ;-p

  2. Why does the phrase “You sunk my battleship,” suddenly sound very dirty? πŸ˜‰

    I’m trying to remember whether there were any shirtless men in the only other “battleship” film I have ever seen, Hunt for Red October . . . I don’t think there were. Then again, I think I was about 8 when I saw it, so I may not have been looking hard enough . . .

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  4. If those two are in the movie you can count me in! =] Nothing better than two manly men blowing shit up.

    • Heh. Exactly. If this goes all “Prince of Persia” like my friend Amy warned – there will be raging in the aisles! Don’t fuck with women who see crappy action movies just for Hot Shirtless Men!

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