This movie is made for women. Period. Ok and gay guys. But it is not made for straight guys at all and YET what do we see the first five minutes of the movie? BOOBS! On behalf of the straight female population I ask Mr. Steven Soderbergh and all the obviously male movie execs behind Magic Mike:
WHAT IN THE FUCK??
Of course some boyfriends and husbands were gonna get dragged to see “the male stripper movie” and you don’t want them to be bored and embarrassed so sure, throw in some boobs to hook them in right away. But you know what? I go see lots of movies aimed at male audiences and never once see a shirtless guy thrown in to appease the female audience members. Or they are shirtless but for 5 damn seconds!! Or even worse – we are promised shirtlessness in the trailers and then DENIED for 2 hours of our lives we can’t have back!!
And don’t tell me that it needs to immediately be established that Magic Mike is a straight dude into threesomes with chicks. We know Mike is totally hetero because:
- He knows to wear proper work boots to a construction site
- He drives a big ass pick-up truck that screams “I put my penis in girls”
- The ease with which Mike and all the other Cock Rocking Kings of Tampa stand around half-naked with each other gossiping backstage demonstrates how perfectly fine they are with their manliness
OK rant over because it is hard to stay annoyed when the “Channing Tatum Charm School” is in session. Damn is that guy charming! He looks like one of those underwear models you’d see in old catalogs (probably not entirely SFW) and his moves are pretty bad ass.
But the entire movie is practically stolen by Matthew McConaughey who for my money was born to play sleazy strip club owner Dallas. I mean – he should get an Oscar just for his no-holds-barred striptease (definitely not SFW!) near the end of the movie which is completely, fearlessly ridiculous. You go with your drawling, black leather chaps wearing, better-body-at-42-than-guys-half-your-age self boy!!
I appreciated that the male dancers seem to know that us ladies like a little storytelling with our bump and grind. So men are satisfied with a woman dressed like a schoolgirl writhing on a pole. BORING! The stripper boys understand we need a little plot with our objectifying of their abs and asses. Give us some Tarzan saving Jane or a young cowpoke out on the range for the first time (speaking of that cowpoke, it’s English pretty boy Alex Pettyfer):
I mean, they are literally using their penises as weapons on a room full of women who have paid to objectify them! How can you not love that?!?
In the parking lot after the movie my girlfriend and I ran into a male friend who was there to see Ted. Yup. That says it all right there about the difference between us girls and them boys!