she liked Imaginary Men best of all


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He’s real and he’s spectacular!

So the last few years I’ve had all this trouble with Stupid Real Life Boys. And of course I have a lot of Imaginary Boyfriends. But something funny happened recently – I got myself a Real Live Not At All Douchey and in Fact Totally Amazing Real Life Boyfriend!! I KNOW!! RIGHT?!??

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Just how amazing is he? Well he walked into my 16 Year Old Girl Bedroom home office which contains (among other things): an enormous Brandon Flowers poster, Backstreet Boys nesting dolls, Vampire Diaries paraphenalia, and a Wall of Men 3.0 – and instead of turning on his heels and running he exclaimed with utter enthusiasm:

This is awesome!

Did you hear that? It was my heart having joyful palpitations 😉

And he doesn’t bat an eye at my crazy shenanigans of chasing bands and obsessing on TV shows! He even offered to see Magic Mike with me! AND he said with absolutely no prompting whatsoever – that if a Backstreet Boys museum existed “I would go with you.” Did you get that part? How I didn’t even ask that?!? (and for the record – why doesn’t that exist goddamnit?!? I already have a date for it!)

I feel like anytime I talk about him I turn into a total gushing girlie. He’s a bit of a fanboy himself about movies and directors – breathlessly calling the night he got to meet one of his directing idols, “the best night of my life” which I took as one of the signs we were on the same wavelength about the stuff we love. He’s so great and he’s CUTE! Let me just say that his celebrity doppelganger is someone we like to call Jake Gyllenhaal:

Laugh it up Jake – you’ve been replaced!

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A friend of mine said, “you’ve obsessed so much on imaginary men that it’s almost like you dreamed him up!” And if it weren’t for the fact that she and other people have also seen/heard/observed that he is indeed a real guy and not one in my head – it makes this exchange from last week all the sweeter:

Setting: Save a Prayer by Duran Duran is on TV

Me: That’s my husband John Taylor

Him: Hi John Taylor!

Me: I mean, you don’t have to worry because I’ve been waiting for him to marry me since I was 13 – but if he WERE to show up – I would have to leave you

Him: OK. You should tweet him and tell him he’s your husband

Me: DON’T THINK I HAVEN’T TRIED!!!!

Even better – one found me that thinks I’m perfect the way I am – in all my Crazy Fangirl Glory and really, what more can one ask for?


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“Magic Mike” – oh you know I’m going!

I have no interest in actual male strippers, and I didn’t even care too much about Channing Tatum until I was charmed by him in 21 Jump Street – but if you think I’m not going to see a movie that is over an hour of Hot Shirtless Pretty Boys – then obviously we’ve never met: Hi, I’m Amy and I like Hot Shirtless Pretty Boys 😉

And OH YES, there will be a “A Girl’s Review” of this one!


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Jake Gyllenhaal can gut a sheep for me ANYtime!

You may have heard that Jake Gyllenhaal was on the premiere episode of Man vs. Wild this week. I spent most of the show alternately urging him not to get hurt, and warning the elements of Iceland not to wreck his pretty face.

Not only did he bravely hike through an epic snowstorm in white-out conditions and over a dangerous hidden bed of lava, but he ate a worm, slept in a snow cave, waded across a sub-freezing river (shirtless! Yay Discovery Channel!) overcame his fear of heights to shimmy over a LONG rope high above a DEEP canyon, gutted and BEHEADED a (dead) sheep (!!!!), but he did it all with a sense of humor and enthusiasm that absolutely added to his already sky high charm factor.

Did I mention that he snuck in a pack of hot chocolate mix for the snow cave sleepover? I’m telling you – if you’re stuck in the wilderness somewhere with only one Hollywood Pretty Boy to help you survive – Go Gyllenhaal. He’ll wade across a frozen river to gut an animal for you and bring back chocolate. I’d like to see Robert Pattinson do that!

 

 


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I just want to love you Jake! Why are you testing me??

Jake Gyllenhaal is on another Publicity Tour of Charm and Handsomeness. He’s promoting Love and Other Drugs which looks kind of predictable, but of course I have plans to see it because this time he IS shirtless! (Yes I’m still bitter!)

So he’s been on Letterman and Fallon and he’s just SO CHARMING and SO HANDSOME and he dresses well and is funny and sexy and quick witted. So it saddens me that he is apparently dating Taylor Swift. Not only that, but their supposed relationship seems rather – what’s the word – fake. The fact that they both have projects to promote at just the same time they started dating is quite the coincidence. Lord knows Taylor has done this trick before with her “Taylor Squared” romance with Taylor Lautner last year.

But really Jake? Does he need to participate in fakey celebrity relationships to sell a movie? Because he does a pretty damn fine job all on his own being all, well, charming and handsome. Of course – they could be totally totally dating for real and super falling in love and then he’ll break her heart because he’s 10 years older than her and will realize that she’s 20 – and she’ll write a song about how he hurt her and next year her album will come out and we’ll all guess which song is about Jake Gyllenhaal.

Also, I hated this cover:

Yes even though he is shirtless – it is just too cheesy and reminds me of stuff like this from the 70’s:

Just — NO.

 

 


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Get Your Riggins-on-a-thon!!

A few months ago I “met” Cherie – a lovely lass from Australia who was following my and Blogging Pal Julie’s blogs. She seemed to like all the same things we did (sexy vampires, shirtless men) and was incredibly funny and snarky and fit right in with our obsessive fangirl posse.

I was commenting on a post of Julie’s about Damon Salvatore being all broody and brokenhearted and compared him to a “Vampire Tim Riggins” which got Cherie’s attention. I directed her here to my Friday Night Lights Lovefests and she was immediately captivated by the Trademark Riggins “Brood and Smolder.”

Not a week later she had bought the first three seasons of FNL that are available in Australia and spent a long weekend with girlfriends which she named the Get Your Riggins-On-a-Thon! And they didn’t just watch the whole thing – oh – no. These girls made pom poms and wore their own team shirts and then went out during some Oz football finals in the streets with their faces painted the Dillon Panthers COLORS!!

Cherie's actual jersey worn in observance of Get-Your-Riggins-on-a-thon weekend!

I could not have been more proud 🙂

She kept my mom and I updated the entire weekend with their antics and we were rolling on the floor. We just sit and watch FNL and cry and wish it was a real place we could go to. These girls made it an event!! (I highly recommend checking out her hilarious updates in the comments section of this post.)

So as if THAT didn’t all make Cherie cool enough – she’s started a fantastic blog called My Spidey Sense is Tingling where she covers all sorts of exciting topics (sexy vampires, shirtless men) and this week made me adore her further by proclaiming that because of me she now loves The Killers (in a Damon-centric post no less!) Hey I don’t make money on this blog – but you know what I do get? People like Cherie listening to my crazy ravings about boys I love in TV and music and going out to see/hear for themselves what the hell I’m on about.

I mean, I have international influence dammit! So go support Cherie and her blog so she can write something that will make someone go “I gotta go check that out!” and fall in love with a fantastic show or a great band or a cute boy.

The Man, the Myth, the Riggins Brood and Smolder


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Brandon Off the Wall

Well look whose decided to go solo on the Wall of Men as well as in his career?

Thanks to Jill for holding Brandon up. These squares fall off my wall all the time – usually in the middle of the night – and it wakes me and I go oh, well. Hope it’s not a burglar, and go back to sleep!

As you can see, Jake and Jason booted Ewan and Matty.


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Jake worked hard so we couldn’t see his body?!

I’m still peeved about this whole Prince of Persia Jake Gyllenhaal Isn’t Actually Shirtless At All Suckers business. In Target I saw they have dolls of Jake’s character Prince Dastan and lo and behold – they’re not shirtless either! (although they are for children so perhaps this is sensible):

This looks NOTHING like Jake Gyllenhaal!

EW had a piece about Jake’s regimen to physically look the part for this role. It sounds totally punishing – a “three to five mile run through the sand while wearing a 20 pound jacket”?? UGH!! And that’s with only espresso and a piece of fruit powering him through!

Poor guy, I’d be pissed I did all that stupid work and all anyone saw were my (admittedly awesome) arms. Big fat FAIL to the Disney execs who looked at this movie and said, “You know what we need less of? Shots of our star’s buff body who we paid tremendous amounts of money to so he would look like that.”

As for this doll, I think he’d fit right in at the Action Palace with the Matty and Ewan dolls! Damn those Barbie’s next door in the Dream House wouldn’t know what to think!


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No shirtless Jake = two hours of my life gone

My friend Janis and I went to see Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. “Why?” you may ask, “that movie has gotten terrible reviews.” Well yes, yes it has. But we can sit through a lot of shit if it means there’s a hot, shirtless boy to ogle.

Which we were led to believe, PoP would feature since when we saw the promo the last time we went to the movies to ogle a cute actor boy – we both noted “damn, I may have to see this movie, look at that Shirtless Gyllenhaal!” (1:31. Yeah I know it’s half a second, that’s all it took!)

Don’t believe it Ladies and Gays. There is nary ONE SHIRTLESS SCENE of Jake Gyllenhaal in this damn movie. WTF??

Yeah - this scene? NOT in the movie 😦

He must have worked out like 9 hours a day and eaten some crazy diet of raw steak every 2 hours to look like this – all so we could see him clothed the whole time? I don’t THINK SO.

I did however, appreciate the application of rawhide bicep strappage:

See, now bicep straps + no shirt = I'd pay another $8!

The movie is based on a video game, ’nuff said. Jake is super charming and adorable though. Even if he’s not quite the English-accented-Persian-Prince type.

In other Jake-related news, I finally saw Brothers last week. Holy hell was it depressing! SO depressing it was hard to even crush on Jake! I mean, if I can’t muster up a good Squueee because I’m too busy feeling down, that’s not a good thing people.


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Wall of Men ’10

Last year when I started this blog I posted about the Wall of Men I had in college. I mentioned I was thinking of starting a new one, which I did:

Currently making the cut: Dirty Ewan,  Matty Motherfuckin’ Jason Bourne Damon, Brandon of course, and the Brothers Salvatore.

I’m thinking someone is going to have to move soon for Jake Gyllenhaal (and it won’t be the three at the bottom.)

Doncha like how they’re pinned up on corkboard squares, because I’m all grown up and shit – so no more blu-tack for me 😉


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My crush on Jake Gyllenhaal officially activated

For some reason that I can’t recall now, there was a time Jake Gyllenhaal bugged me. The only reason I remember this is because while swooning over how damn good he looked in a tux at the Oscars, my mom said “I thought you didn’t like him?” And I thought, “What was wrong with me?!”

Ever since I saw him cooking with Ellen, and followed his adorable relationship with Reese Witherspoon (which I admit I’m still kinda bummed about being over – because I get waaaay too invested in celebrity relationships) I’ve liked him. He seems like a nice, decent, not famewhorey not obnoxious guy.

But this press tour he’s been on for Prince of Persia – Daaaaamn Jake! What a dreamboat! He’s always dressed really well, he’s funny, sexy, playful, clever, charming – a well rounded package of crush-worthiness. His sexy teasing on Entertainment Tonight, his hilarious display of Russian photos on Letterman, a tasty photo shoot in what should clearly be my fave magazine – GQ.

The movie looks dopey – but I have been known to sit through all SORTS of crappy movies in the name of a cute boy (Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas owe me several hours of my life back – yeah I’m lookin’ at you Meet Joe Black and Never Talk to Strangers!) So wasting two hours on this isn’t that much of a stretch. How bad can it be staring at Jake’s abs the whole time with Junior Mints in hand?

Shirt off? Well then welcome to the club Jake!

My fave gossip Lainey is all about the “Jakey” love. Off to stock the Netflix queue with Gyllenhally goodness and ponder what the heck was Reese’s problem.